Jess' Blog

You know you’re a parent when:

I’ve been thinking a lot about the ‘typical’ parent things that everyone does and some things we do but are too embarrassed to talk about… or maybe talk too much about!


Since having Isaac I’ve realised that all I talk about is him, all I think about is him! What did I talk about before him? Surely I’m not the only one! I’ve also noticed since having a baby that anyone else with a baby is automatically your friend! This is what I’ve found by meeting Micheala, Lauren, Cara and Catherine through a facebook page and meet ups! I’ve realised these mortifying mishaps and weird coping stragegies have happened to the best of us!

The Joy of Bodily Fluids

A typical parent thing to do (which I’m sure most of you will have done!) is just wipe the snot/saliva on your jeans and carry on with your day out!

Another one is when your gorgeous little new born has been sick on your clothes and you quickly forget so you go out stinking of baby sick! This actually happened to me. Isaac was sick on me and I was stood in a queue in town thinking “that women in front of me stinks!” But nope. It was me! Oops!

How about the mini heart attack you have when your lovely little babies arse explodes in public? You dash to the baby change hoping and praying that no one walks in because shit is EVERYWHERE!



Surviving Day to Day Life With a Baby

Now I know that a majority of parents will have done this one… but won’t admit it. I find it hilarious. Hands up if you’ve had to go for a poo and sit your baby on your knee? Of course you have! It’s the easiest option. And I’m sure some breast feeding mama’s will have fed on the loo too!

How do you shower when you have a clingy baby? Well I have to sit Isaac naked in his bath seat with his bath toys. I sit him at the bottom of the bath while I have my shower. It’s the only way!

Giving your kid your hair and make up brushes seem to be a life saver for when you’re getting ready on a morning. While I’m running around, Isaac happily plays with my hair brush. If I don’t give him it to play with he will empty out the mucky washing from the basket and throw it all over the floor. Maybe he’s trying to tell me I need to do more washing?!

I have a greedy boy so I always eat when Isaac is napping. Luckily I know his nap schedule well so I make sure to time my meals so I don’t have to share!

Maybe a controversial one here. But when I’ve had a day from hell I have definitely called Isaac an arsehole. Toddlers are arseholes sometimes! And I know other parents have definitely done this too!


I also asked the girls what “mam” things they do. The only way Cara can get jobs done in the kitchen is to give Tom loads snacks in his high chair. I know I’ve done that too!

When Lauren wants some chocolate or sweets she has to hide in the kitchen so she doesn’t have to share with Elijah. I see a trend emerging with our greedy boys!

Jonah is happiest when he is stark naked. So to get a minutes peace Micheala will let him run riot with his little tush out. Brilliant if you want to be left alone for a second. Not so great when he proceeds to shit on the floor.

Even the most house proud parent will let their little one trash the place in order to have a breather. And this is exactly what Catherine does with Zach. By the time she’s finished her cuppa it looks like a bomb has hit her living room. As long as he’s had fun ey?

Is there anything strange that you do as a parent? Share in the comments!




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