Have Kids They Said…
There’s plenty of sayings around when it comes to being a parent, one I’ve found myself muttering quite a bit (LOADS) lately is ‘have kids they said, it’ll be fun!!’ With a grimace when Zach blatantly is having fun on his path of destruction and doing enough to test the patience of even the saintiest of saints. It also comes to mind when I just want the ground to swallow me up whole because I just can’t deal with the little hurricane anymore!
I’ve decided to put together some little experiences that definitley required an eye roll and possible reach for the vodka bottle…
Shitstorm. Literally. If you haven’t already experienced this then please prepare yourself! Imagine this, it’s 7am in the morning, you walk into your toddlers bedroom ready for the cheery ‘good morning!’ When you smell a certain smell before you’ve even walked in there, you open the blinds and you’re greeted by the eye watering sight of a lovely black and white bedding set COVERED IN POO whilst said toddler looks at you with the biggest grin in the whole world, proud as punch. You then have to attempt to get them the hell out of there and boil wash everything whilst throwing your child in the bath (disclaimer- do not physically throw children, it’s frowned upon). HAVE KIDS THEY SAID.
Out of reach. EVERYTHING and I mean everything in our house is now located above Zach height because he pulls everything off and absolutely must try and grab everything he possibly can (because he doesn’t have 849384 toys to choose from) and then run off laughing. Very stupidly, train boy left a can of Pepsi Zach could reach, just after I’d put his bloody clothes on- cue Zach, the floor and the sofa absolutely covered in the sticky mess. Amazing. Yep, definitley have kids, do it.
Mini drunk person. Going for a walk with a toddler can be quite difficult, we decided to take Zach for a little wander round the green in front of our house, it only took us near enough two hours because toddlers are really just small drunk people- they want to go the opposite way, the want to lay on the floor, they don’t want to hold your hand and they’re absolutely going to come flying towards you if you have food. This isn’t the worst thing in the world but if you have to be somewhere this can be a nightmare!! Have kids if you want to spend 3 hours walking to the corner shop or round the block.
Force Feeding. Have you ever just been sat minding your own business and had a chewed up bit of sandwich or chip threw in your face? It’s brilliant. Chewed up, covered in saliva, soggy food is my absolute favourite and if you don’t mind this then you also won’t mind it being thrust in your mouth! HAVE KIDS EH, delicious.
Having kids most definitley is fun, there’s never a dull day! They have the ability to ruin your clothes, your nether regions and your front room with one empty of the toy box but we wouldn’t have them any other way. They may leave you wanting to rip your hair out and making you escape into the kitchen/bathroom for 5 minutes peace but it’s fine! You get to kiss their little faces, tuck them up goodnight and teach them all about the world.
Have you ever wanted the ground to swallow you whole? Faced any of these lovely scenarios? Let us know in the comments!